“Converting a complaint into a positive need requires a mental transformation from what is wrong with one’s partner to what one’s partner can do that would work. It may be helpful here to review my belief that within every negative feeling there is a longing, a wish, and, because of that, there is a recipe for success. It is the speaker’s job to discover that recipe. The speaker is really saying “Here’s what I feel, and here’s what I need from you.” Or, in processing a negative event that has already happened, the speaker is saying, “Here’s what I felt, and here’s what I needed from you.”
― John M. Gottman, The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples
In my practice you will encounter the Gottman style of marriage work and how it can transform your marriage in radical ways. I utilize their marriage inventory quiz in order to give me an exquisitely detailed view into your relationship and the best ways to support it and each partner independently. It has been my experience that this body of research and work fits all couples in ways that they have probably not dreamed of, and it allows for a level of healing and attunement most had not thought possible. Re-framing demands and deep wishes as needs allows for the marriage to become a source of healing and not a continued instrument for wounding. This type of work is again a very "active" style of therapy that will involve both partners putting in time throughout the week and not just in session, to work on their piece of the marriage.
“Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts.”
― John M. Gottman, Eight Dates: A Plan for Making Love Last Forever